Monday, March 01, 2004
I want to belong to something. I know that I belong to the bonche, but that time is over. College is over. I have a wife. Soon it will be three years. Soon we will have a child. We feel alone. Not completely alone, but we feel as if we aren't contributing to anything. What is there to do to connect with others. I see people on T.V. and in movies who have friends and coworkers and enemies and I want that.
I remember listening to music in high school and being deeply touched by it all. I was so upset with relationships that had gone awry. I had so much at my fingertips. Where does one meet people? I feel a need to serve, but it seems empty to serve random people. I want to serve those around me who have needs. My wife and I have financial needs, and few of my friends have offered to help. Some, but not many. Am I wrong to think that I would help them if the tables were turned? Perhaps.
Why pray? God does what He wishes. If we pray, and nothing happens, then it just wasn't God's will. If we pray and something does happen, then we should thank God. If something happens, we should thank God. Why pray? I'm not sure anymore. Maybe God will tell me.
I'm thinking that the ability to hear God's voice may be the most powerful thing in the world. I'm trying to learn how to do so. I try, but it is hard to quit sinning. I understand that my sin just makes noise in the midst of my trying to listen. Perhaps I should fast. My discipline has been awful. I need to stop making excuses in the midst of my fast. I still believe that God is good. I'm just trying to hear Him.
I remember listening to music in high school and being deeply touched by it all. I was so upset with relationships that had gone awry. I had so much at my fingertips. Where does one meet people? I feel a need to serve, but it seems empty to serve random people. I want to serve those around me who have needs. My wife and I have financial needs, and few of my friends have offered to help. Some, but not many. Am I wrong to think that I would help them if the tables were turned? Perhaps.
Why pray? God does what He wishes. If we pray, and nothing happens, then it just wasn't God's will. If we pray and something does happen, then we should thank God. If something happens, we should thank God. Why pray? I'm not sure anymore. Maybe God will tell me.
I'm thinking that the ability to hear God's voice may be the most powerful thing in the world. I'm trying to learn how to do so. I try, but it is hard to quit sinning. I understand that my sin just makes noise in the midst of my trying to listen. Perhaps I should fast. My discipline has been awful. I need to stop making excuses in the midst of my fast. I still believe that God is good. I'm just trying to hear Him.
