My Self-Important Web Log

I desire to be more productive. So far, I feel as if I just produce more fat cells. I try to drown my sorrows in food too much. What is up with me? I have no idea what God would have me do with my life. I hope that I am listening correctly. Maybe not. God is bigger than my inability to hear Him, isn't He? I would very much like to be buzzed right now.

I have let uplifting music go through my head for the past several hours. It has been therapeutic and refreshing. I feel as if I have climbed out of the hole and now it is time to tackle the mountain ahead. I feel as if God is trying to speak to me or He is speaking to me and I'm just not hearing it right now. I'm praying for ears to hear. My addiction to my culture startles me. I want a TiVo so that I can wean myself off of my slavery to TV schedules. I think that it might be unhealthy to desire the escape that TV and movies can offer as much as I do. Actually, I know that it is unhealthy.

Is it better to desire to be removed from temptations or to remain faithful in the midst of temptations? Part of me wants to escape to a foreign country. I keep noticing that I've been looking at my past with rose colored glasses a lot lately. I think fondly about Kentucky, Michigan, and even Indiana, while loathing my current situation. I need to learn to be content with the grass on my side of the fence. What am I running from? What is Kim running from? Maybe the answer would be an epiphany. I need to brush my teeth and go sleep with my wife. Bon jour.

Yay! I have found hope again. An email from Doug today reminded me that God can orchestrate whatever He wishes to happen. I also can remember that God had plans for Jeremiah to prosper him and not harm him. I really believe that God has prepared me for the position at Food for the Hungry. All logic so far has told me that they are no longer interested in me, but I have a growing hope that the logic will be proven wrong. I have been trying not to become depressed about my lack of career options. If the FH job is my first choice, then my second choice is way, way down the ladder from the top. I am praying that God would show me favor for this position, and that (with His help) I will serve the organization with all of my strength (and His).

Greg Hubbard put me in contact with a couple of guys who are doing house church ministry in the area. I hope to meet with one of them shortly. It is exciting to see God speaking to others in the same way that He is speaking to me.

Kim and I had a great night of praying together. It was the first time that she had prayed aloud in front of me in over a year. It was tremendous. I really renewed my feelings for her. Our baby is seemingly healthy, and we do thank God. I'm getting more excited by the day about being a father. Nick should be a father any day now. I have learned to be happy for him, and to not bemoan my own tragedies. God will bless them as parents, and He will bless us as well.